Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A New Year, A New Beginning

How many people have I heard say that they are happy to be done with this year? A lot, and, it seems, a lot more than usual. It wasn't, they tell me, a bad year, just a challenging one. Between the economy and personal challenges relating to work, family, illness, finances, it seems that many Americans share the same story. But there is no where to go but forward. Time only moves that way -- in this sphere anyway. So, our best option is to move with it, willingly, happily and enthusiastically even. That is not to say there is no room for realism -- but dealing with "manifest reality" is a lot easier if you go forward knowing how you want to shape the next chapter. The New Year is a time for reflection of what has been and a time to resolve what we are going to do to create what will be. New Year's Resolutions don't have to be formal, nor sweeping. You can resolve to meet every day, one day at a time, with a new attitude and a new perspective. I wish you and yours a Happy, Health New Year, one in which you are able to take whatever comes and with presence of mind, and enthusiasm, turn it into the experience you want. May 2010 be a banner year for you! Coach Paula

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I Will Not Complain

This is what a client said to me yesterday, regarding her trials and tribulations at work, with her boyfriend, her landlord, her mechanic, etc., etc. But at times we all want to complain. I had two clients tell me they had termites in their furniture (Is there a conspiracy in the house?), one of them had water damage in her walls, another thought her boyfriend was cheating. One of my brides can't stand her new sister-in-law. But as we deconstructed each situation during Life Coaching, each event, each reaction, the bottom line was, "How will complaining about it serve you?" (Not a question that I asked, only thought about). Although unasked, each answered that very question with a variation on the theme -- their answers paralleling each other to an uncanny degree, "Well, I guess complaining about it won't help." I wish I could take credit for their new awareness(es), new perspectives. But all I did was listen and asked questions relative to how they felt, what actions they were going to take, and what a great (notice I didn't say "satisfactory") outcome would look like. What are the "wages of complaining?" Whiners' Mouth? The contrary to the previous concept is gratitude. You have termites. Be grateful you have a place to live. You have an impossible boss? Nothing says it like, "I'm grateful for my job." Life Coaching is a way in. And a way out of complaining. (This post is dedicated to JT, the model of an eternal optimist).

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Choice is the Road, or Knowing

If I had a nickel for every time a client responds to a coaching question with the words, "I don't know," I would have a lot of nickels. The truth is, they usually do know, they just don't like what they know, don't want it to be true, don't want to do it, don't want to hear it, or don't want to face it. It is possible that someone doesn't know what to do, but when the situation is deconstructed, it becomes obvious -- the answer was there the whole time. If you want to lose weight, you better not eat that piece of chocolate cake. But if you do, know the consequences. But you want the cake anyway. So there you have it -- the obvious answer is that in many, if not most instances in life, you will have to make a choice. And knowing the ramifications of that choice will enable you to understand what you are looking at. It won't make the choice any easier, nor will it in any way guarantee that you make the choice that is likely to have the best outcome for you. Sometimes you can work out the factors to improve your chance of making a better choice, but sometimes there is no one right choice. That is the challenge of living with the inevitable ambiguity that is life. If you know your values and follow them, you increase your chances of having positive outcomes. If you need help with defining and naming your values, try Life Coaching. It works!

Taking the High Road

"When do I have to take the high road?" a client asked me. That's a good question. I would say when you want to hold onto your integrity and increase your chances of a positive outcome. Not everyone agrees with this point of view -- certainly not street fighters, or the "eye for an eye" contingent. But you are the only one who can know the right thing to do. Whether you choose to do it is strictly up to you. The course you decide upon does not depend on what the other person did to you, said to you, etc., only what intention you are willing to hold for yourself in the transaction. If someone does you wrong, you may want to strike back, to seek vengeance. But what will you really have gained? Taking the high road means maintaining your inner equilibrium in the face of outer circumstances. And if you want to learn more about the High Road and how to keep your own peace, try Life Coaching! It works! Happy Holidays from Believe and Achieve Coaching.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Rabbi Pliskin's "Life is Now Favorite Memories

#734 Favorite Memories
If you would like to recall your favorite memories, here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. What are five of my favorite memories?
2. How do I feel when I remember them?
3. What are the main patterns of my favorite memories?
4. In what ways will I benefit from recalling these memories more often?
5. When is a good time to recall each of these memories?
6. What can I learn from these memories?
7. What do I lose out by not recalling my favorite memories?
8. What will help me remember to recall my favorite memories more often?
9. What can I do now to create more memories that I would benefit from recalling?
(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.160) [Artscroll.com])
See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"